That annoying feeling of helplessness, not-good-enoughness and endless mental spiraling.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I am my own worst enemy. Endlessly looping in my mind - all of the things I should do, need to do, could have done better - all the while, suffocating my creativity with mental anguish.
See also: The entire month of January.
And guess what? It's part of my process.
The death cycle.
Ending, shedding, refocusing, releasing.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone - and the purpose of me pouring my thoughts into this topic is equal parts my own way of processing, and an opportunity to connect with anyone else who might relate.
So, how does one go about honoring endings, revisiting and acknowledging old patterns, releasing the spin cycle - shedding the skin of life, to make room for the freshness? I don't have all the answers, just some observations I'd like to share.
First and foremost, healing isn't linear - nothing is really. As each year passes, marking another trip around the sun - time tricks us into thinking we even have it. In reality, we have a series of moments, one spilling into the next - sheer trickery if we don't pay careful attention to how we are choosing to spend our days.
I recently found myself reflecting on toxic positivity. When you may find yourself in an extremely trying time, and someone spits out 'it could be worse' or 'think positively!' well damn, thanks captain - I will get right on that!
Allowing yourself a moment to sit with what is going on without pushing it away, is certainly an opportunity - and typically, one that doesn't feel good. So, what happens? We stay busy, stay distracted, stay numbing, stay spinning - and tick tock - a month goes by and ain't shit changed.
So, is it happening TO us, or are we co-creating this reality? Perhaps a bit of both.
There will always be LOTS of things out of our control. Typically, how we view those things - are wired to our filters of past experience. Fear, past trauma, difficulties - leave our brain wired to try and predict what's coming and the worst case scenario. Hello anxiety.
Choosing a better thought, a positive mantra or a fake it till' you make it mentality - may lead you down a path of burnout. Or, it might not. The key is to keep asking yourself, what do I need, and how do I really feel about the actions I am taking? Are my thoughts helping or harming?
Honoring endings can also mean acknowledging when we are ready to change. Releasing judgment of the past, forgiving ourselves, and choosing something different. Each moment is a chance to do this, and each moment is being birthed and ending at the same time. Pretty trippy.
Zoom out to reframe. The details, roles, and feelings can suffocate our spirit. A clean slate doesn't mean you're giving up, or maybe it does? It's okay to give up and start over. You're never starting from scratch, you're starting from experience.
If you find yourself spiraling and making yourself sick over circumstances in your life, it's time to zoom out. In some regards, it's okay - to care a bit less. Making yourself sick, isn't going to change anything other than your ability to live your best life. Shift your energy and attention somewhere else, to something that brings you joy - let the other shit rest, and care less without being careless.
Change doesn't have to be a shockwave, an extreme action, a subtle shift in perspective can change your entire life. Be patient, sometimes the best action, is no action. The world will keep spinning, regardless of how much you are. Remove some friction from the process.
On this cold January day, after a few days, weeks, months of spiraling - I honor the endings, the beginnings, and the opportunity to breathe. The most basic of rhythms, brings life to all - without evening thinking about it. Just breathe.
Sending you love my friend.
P.S. If you haven't checked out my digital vision board kit, it's a great way to change perspective - a free digital download, from me, to you.