Breaking the chains born of feast or famine mindset.
Temperance, to be a virtue must be of freewill, and not forced.
tem·per·ance /ˈtemp(ə)rəns/
1 : moderation in action, thought, or feeling : restraint. 2a : habitual moderation in the indulgence of the appetites.
Let’s talk about our demons for a moment. In this context, I am talking about the part of our mind that convinces us we should have more of the stuff that makes us feel good - to the point of detriment. I would consider my previous post The Ruler & The Rebel a pre-req to this post, so check it out if you haven’t yet, for a little more context on this topic.
Moderation is a way of life, and of which, temperance is born.
I grew up surrounded by family that was EXTRA. It was always part of the powerful lineage magic that I felt from my extended family, but quickly realized that every power comes with a cost. By that I mean, we live BIG - exploring all things with passion and intensity. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way - I simply really needed to pay attention along the way, to what really serves my highest good.
That cost for a lot of my family, is addiction. Alcohol, food, shopping – you name it, all in. Not quite sure how to handle the intensity and power of our thoughts and feelings, distractions and numbing feel great, temporarily. Pushing the power away - never gone.
After realizing the havoc that drinking and other substance addiction were having on the people around me, as I grew up I quickly realized that this was a no go for me. I dabbled for sure, I had my fun - also noticing that I could probably drink a grown man under the table. Suddenly, I realized that this thing existed in me, I too had the same predisposition for extra. We shall call it the all gene.
That thing that didn’t have an off switch, that wanted more and more of anything that brought immediate comfort. Shit, what do I do with that? I channeled it into my career. Doubled down on professional and eventually, personal development. Which was time and energy well spent.
You see, it’s really just intense internal power.
Choosing where to channel it – what feels right vs. what feels good – determines the outcome.
No surprise there, but when you are in the grip of it, those demons are loud. They make up excuses and rationalizations for you. That part of your brain that is sneaky, insidious and destructive. The rebel is at it again.
The part of this, that was always hard for me, was that whatever we shall call these voices – it’s really just our own voice. The operating systems can have damage, bugs, things that haven’t been upgraded or healed. The urge that you feel, can sprout from a place of pain. Identifying the source of the behavior takes a lot of work. No surprise, that the first step is admitting it.
For me, the place that felt out of whack and not in line with my highest good – was my relationship with food. My weight was something that always seemed to have an impact on me deeply. My self-worth, self-confidence – all of it was tied to this voice, in this case the voice of someone very close to me, telling me at a young age that I was ‘puttin’ on a little weight there.' This seemed to be the program that I decided to upload to my core and retain as my truth.
Well it’s not, but it took a ton of healing and self-work to get to a place of true temperance in my life. When you are deep in it, you don’t realize how out of balance you are until you start to take steps to dig out. When you achieve that and get there – it’s almost like this epiphany of Oh my, I didn’t realize how bad it was. How deep in it I was. It’s like a breath of intense fresh air.
Temperance, to me – means an opportunity to find what works for the best version of YOU. Not what society says is right or wrong, but an honest conversation and level set with you, and you alone. The come to Jesus moment. Why am I being so destructive to myself?
Judgement can create a whole host of problems for us. Operating from a place of ego, I’ve seen time and time again a constant judgement of everything and everyone around you – when in reality that’s because you are deeply not happy with yourself. At least, that was the case for me.
Getting stuck in the justification of the all of the toxic behaviors you're harming yourself with, because of everything going on around you – is a trap. And, precisely the theme I speak of in, Get Woke.
It’s a hard thing to explain, unless you’ve gone through it. And, I have. Transformation can be influenced by aspiration and people that you look up to – but, it has to happen deeply within, before it will have a lasting impression on who you are and what you really want. It requires honing your beliefs about yourself, and aligning your mindset with the future vision that you see for yourself.
It requires being gentle with the process, and just taking a step in the direction of what is in your best interest. Throughout this time, I leaned into a variety of healing modalities to help me chip away at the stone cold tough exterior, in order to help the healthy healed self, emerge. This included:
Therapy (cognitive behavioral)
Intuitive development classes
Meditation
Transformational Vision Boards (Like this one)
Motivational books
Reiki
Smudging
Looking myself in the mirror and telling myself, 'I love you' until one day, I meant it and believed it.
Within the past year, I've entered my Temperance Center. The self-discovery work is never done, and when old energy emerges - I simply ask, what is this and why is it showing up? Then quiet my mind, to listen to the answer. No more fear, complete surrender. No pushing it away, simply acceptance and healing.
I developed a deeper connection to my body, and really started evaluating my relationship with food.
After the birth of my daughter, it took me five years to get back into balance with my relationship with food and my weight. But I eventually did, and was in a great space. After going through a very difficult breakup, the next round of healing was upon me and defining what I really wanted in this life was a critical part of that work. I met the love of my life and have been happily married ever since. When I had my son, I was determined not to slip back into old ways – and I did great. It was a very healthy pregnancy.
At that time, as a full time executive, raising two kids and in a new marriage you can imagine where I started to place the importance of my own health. Yep, last on the list – and that insidious voice was back – justifying my decisions. Well, my son is two and a half now. I am glad it didn’t take another five years. But, I’ve found my center again.
I've connected with a team of women focused on living healthy, meaningful lives and that has brought light to my body and soul without calorie counting or deprivation. I am exercising regularly again – all from home, and have made lots of new connections with women going through the same thing – or those that want guidance and accountability. My nutrition plan is on point, I feel zero deprivation and have gained such clarity of mind. No more feast or famine.
In my life coaching practice, I never really focused in on areas of health because I hadn’t really figured it out for myself yet, and I am huge on walking the talk. I am down 15, and have a bit to go – which I know will happen because I am ready. The number isn't important anymore, the non-scale victories are what have me hooked. The weight loss is simply a bonus.
Can you relate to any of this? I'd love to chat if you are looking for a wellness program that focuses on mind, body and spirit - and a community of positivity to keep you going on the days The Rebel tries to take over.
Send me a message on any of my social channels, or shoot me an email,
Love, L