Updated: Nov 15, 2020
The fascinating thing about grief is that it shows us how profound the human experience is. The mind, body, spirit connection is the miracle.
When grief arrives, it’s a wave crashing to shore. This wave contains all the beautiful remnants of the Ocean, memories of what was and what wasn’t. Waves have the persistence to shape the shore line. It’s a gradual process that over time can transform the land that once was.
Always changing, the tide, the moon, every cell in our body – constant.
Healing isn’t one-size fits all. Over time, healing does however, become universal. The process of becoming, sometimes is more about the process of un-becoming. Transformational pain, is still pain – and in those moments, all you feel is the painful waves crashing upon your shore. Forcing you to the depths of the Ocean with it.
How deep is your love? Your birthright is to experience the emotional depths of your Ocean, pain is the wave – love is the water and the land.
This metaphor is an important one, because we are NOT our pain. We experience it. It might engulf our shore without coming up for air, and at times in the thick of it, that’s exactly what we need – the deprivation to show us the abundance.
But then, something happens.
Their favorite song plays, a bird lands right in front of you looking at you knowingly, you have a dream and they appear. It’s not as much about the actual sign but the way you feel when receiving it. Something stops you dead in your tracks, no one else will get it, no one else needs to – it was meant for you.
Stay in those moments, as a reminder of our connectedness.
When I was younger and not realizing that all of the profound feelings and emotions I was having were part of my birthright and human blessing, I wanted to stay distracted. I pushed it away with partying, TV riddled with drama, loud angry music, a plate of fries – you name it. The divide emerged and I started feeling pushed away from who I really was, more and more. Terrifying loneliness.
For silencing my thoughts at that time, meant loneliness. An empty pit – a void. The veil between peace and loneliness is sheer and thin. Over time, I realized that the very feeling I attributed to loneliness, was actually the formation of my peaceful place, the discovery of essence.
Human awareness is connected to all feelings. Like it or not. In order for us to value and accept each other, we must begin to value and accept our own feelings first. (Recurring theme, I know – but it’s the key to global healing.)
The fear in that for me, was realizing that as I grew and changed – so too did the people, places and things around me.
Comfort, please don’t go – I need you, desperately.
Stepping away from friends, family, relationships, jobs – is not easy. That’s the point. Transformation and the changes of seasons can feel drastic, but necessary. Take it from me, burning bridges – isn’t the way to go, but sometimes – it can be necessary to honor what you need in that moment.
Speaking your truth, establishing boundaries or simply saying – I need to step away to work on myself – are all part of this.
People won’t understand, but you will. And eventually, they will too. Any time you take a step into your own power, into your own desire to figure yourself out – a mirror appears to the other person. Showing them what they too have been ignoring. The way we approach these seasons of our lives differs. Some form a gradual summer into fall. Some are a 90 degree week, dropping to 50 degrees out of nowhere the next. We are the unpredictable weather patterns.
Patterns, let’s dance shall we?
Generational cycles are formed and the power of waves on the shoreline have shown us – overtime they can transform our bloodline – our shoreline.
And then, a new rock appears – a big bolder. A place for birds to nest, for life to grow, for sun to shine and for the shoreline to be redefined. Just as abruptly as that – you were chosen.
The trickery of generational cycles is we are born into them. It’s no one’s fault, and it’s everyone’s fault. Conditioning happens, we are raised by the frame of mind that raised their frame of mind and the saga continues.
Right, wrong or indifferent, how’s it workin out for ya? We are true to ourselves when we have an open heart and mind. In stepping back a little, clarity is gained.
The space in between as dissected in The Ruler and The Rebel, is the essence of just that – the new. A new approach to showing up requires a deep sense of self-awareness. You must detach a bit from what other people think. Of course it will be uncomfortable for them, it’s uncomfortable for you – that’s the point. We already touched on the comfy trap.
Good Grief isn’t about throwing up our arms with the energy of ‘come on, enough’ it’s accepting what the pain is trying to show us and ultimately, over time, seeing the absolute blessing in disguise. This is surrender and acceptance all wrapped into one.
We are seasons for each other as well; some stay, some go, some are abrupt, some are slow, some are calculated, some are organic. They all have a place.
The next time a winter storm, a landslide or a tropical storm show up – brace for impact, but stay open to the possibility that it might be the exact transformation you were silently hoping for.
p.s. Don't forget to tell your seasons that you love them after they've receded from the shoreline a bit, A Letter to Dharma must appear when the time is divine and right. Remove pride, tell ego to take a seat - and remember that the water AND the land, are love.
Catch the companion guide to all of these topics for even more shared insight, on Spotify.